Tactical Tailor

SHOT Show Ethos by @_chris_osman_designs

In times of free swag and gun bunnies there is a special breed of wannabe ready to answer the SHOT show call. A common man with uncommon desire to copy ideas and to stop at booths only for free stuff. Forged by advertising, he stands alongside America’s finest special operations forces ready to bother them for pictures and autographs, and to project their weak way of life onto them. I am that man.

My beard, 5.11 pants, 550 cord bracelet, and hat with Velcro are symbols of hounding and harassment. Bestowed upon me by the wannabes who have gone before, it embodies the trust of those I have sworn to pretend to be. By wearing an empty MOLLE pack I promise to look like someone else who chose this profession and way of life. It is a privilege that I must earn for a few hours, once a year.

My loyalty to the other wannabes is beyond reproach. I humbly serve as a guardian to my fellow show attendees always ready to bump into others without apology and take extra swag, making it harder for companies to do business. I will try every day to advertise the nature of my work and seek out companies pretending to be a brand influencer, while begging for free products for my actions. I voluntarily accept the inherent hazards of the SHOT show, placing the welfare and security of the swag in my roller cart before all others.

I’ve never served, have no honor, and have never seen the battlefield. My ability to be a childlike fanboy for days on end when I see former military personnel walking in the aisle, sets me apart from other men. Uncompromising interruptions of others talking are my standard. My carelessness and mission for free pictures for Instagram steadfast. My word means nothing.

I always expect to be led. In the absence of other Call of Duty players, I will fail to take charge, I will ask all everyone around me for guidance and still fail the mission. I am unable to lead by example in any aspect of my life.

I will never quit. I persevere and thrive on finding any operator who is busy during the show trying to build their business. My fellow wannabes expect me to be physically softer and not mentally prepared to walk and stand for up to 8 eight hours in a row without sitting down in the hallways. If knocked down by a roller cart I will get back up, every time. I will draw on every remaining ounce of energy to protect my stack of moral patches, my signed Hot Shots calendar, and to accomplish our mission. I am never out of the fight.

We have no discipline. We expect imitation. The lives of my fellow wannabes and the success of the SHOT show will never depend on me. I possess no technical skill, tactical proficiency, or attention to detail. I do not personally know any operators and cannot add to the betterment of the industry; my mission is never complete.

We train for pretend and fail to win. I stand ready to bring the full spectrum of my 200 Instagram follower’s power to bear in order to achieve my mission and the goals established by other wannabes. The execution of my duties will be slow, cumbersome, and uncoordinated when required yet guided by the very principles that I serve to defend.

We have never fought for anything, we have nothing worth building except the pathetic tradition and reputation of a tactical fanboy that I am bound to uphold. In the worst of conditions, the legacy of my fellow SHOT show attendees steadies my resolve and noisily guides my every deed. I will not fail.

42 Responses to “SHOT Show Ethos by @_chris_osman_designs”

  1. NG says:

    Savagely true and beautiful. This was a great way to start off a Wednesday.

  2. lclp1066 says:

    This doesn’t make sense to me. Garand Thumb doesn’t have a beard.

  3. phlegm says:

    10/10. Would recommend.

  4. JMash says:

    Bravo. Bravo.

  5. SShink says:

    Hate to tell you this guys, but unfortunately these types are many companies’ bread and butter. The civilian implications of being awarded military/LE contracts typically far outweighs the profit of the contract itself.

    • JMash says:

      Truth, absolutely.
      But these chodes are every retailer’s bread and butter.
      Same guy buys a newer bigger beefier truck every other year, in order to haul nothing on the weekends.
      Same guy buys the latest power tool, as long as it color matches the other unused “pro-sumer” tools in the garage.
      Same guy buys season tickets, mainly to brag to office buddies.
      Same guy has unused fly fishing equipment, a dusty Bowflex machine, and a “fun” car that he can’t control and has never taken to a track day.
      Hell, he maybe even bought his wife a new rack – but only the pool boy has been able to enjoy them.

  6. Mark says:

    This was relevant 5 years ago.

  7. TB_MS says:

    Beautiful, eloquent and sadly true

  8. Horshack says:

    Bros! This year my TL is gonna roll up into that show at shot! He needs to t&e so much gear bros! We need low vis, high vis, breech ops, fatel funnel ops, and door crashing gear. In APril when we train were gonna give ffedback on all that gear. My ATL didn’t get cleared to go but maybe next year bros! I also heard theres a range day for blaze ops! I wish i can go one year.

    • Airborne_Fister says:

      Who are you that you need gear T&Eed in April but need it now? What unit you with, why would you “TL” be doing the procurement of the T&E gear?

      • Mehmaster says:

        He’s probably oga man…. Stuff he can’t say on the interwebs. crashing doors is like surgery only the best tools are acceptable. They do God’s work over there.

        • Horshack says:

          Bros! My TL served in the war in Saudi and learned the hard lessons there about ops. Its why we clear the fatel funnel first, than hand over are long gun to the number 1 man when we restack.

      • Horshack says:

        Bros! We crash doors hard! We will t&e in April so it gives time to all the companys to ship all the t&e gear!

  9. Tony Tarantino says:

    Chris Osman
    Your my Hero
    Well said sir, well said.

  10. Stickman says:

    There are “firearm” websites this describes pretty well also…

    • Mike says:

      The irony of this post by this “person” isn’t lost on some.

      • Charlie says:

        You mean Stickman? He’s LE.

      • Ryan Isom says:

        Yep. Well said

      • Mike says:

        He was banned from AR15.com for various reasons, including allowing more than one person to post from his acct (hence my above statement), stating he had business relationships that he didn’t, implying he’s something that he isn’t (like he’s a secret SWAT operator when he in fact rides a desk), stealing (not returning) gear sent to him by manufacturers for photos, lying about competitors, etc. and people believe his lies. He’s a shady individual regardless of whether he wears a badge or not.

        • Nick Booras says:

          Hey Mike, maybe stop spreading false accusations and bullshit rumors you know nothing about. I’ve worked with Stick for more than a decade, watching him bend over backwards for companies while constantly getting taken advantage of by those same brands not willing to pay fairly for his services. There is not a single person I’ve met in this industry who I would speak more highly of, and if you had any idea who the man is, you wouldn’t be spouting off with this shit.

        • David Reeder says:

          Wow, Mike. That is a *lot* of inaccurate fuckery to put in a single post! Slow down, leave some room for the rest of us to show our ass. Overachiever.

  11. Matt says:


  12. Alpha2 says:

    So eloquently put (and funny). Sadly also so very true.

  13. .308 says:

    HAHA… this guy is always talking about the stopping power of his .45!

  14. Ed says:

    Like your revised version of our Ethos as seen by the attendees you speak of!

    Keep on rocking Brother!

  15. Nuts says:

    This is an asshole-ish thing to write Chris. One of those wanna-be’s bought a tourniquet from me and carried it in his wanna-be medical kit he carried at a construction site. This particular fat-ass wanna-be security guard saved a mans life when another fat fuck wanna-be got his arm torn off in the engine fan of a D9 bulldozer. The wanna-be “time waster” security guard saved the other mans life with his tourniquet. And because of this piece of shit wanna-be now all the security guards and construction workers carry basic trauma gear. Because he was a wanna-be he happened to be prepared with the right equipment at the right time and knew how to apply it.

    I really think this is a very disrespectful thing to write about people who may actually support and help grow companies/brands. These wanna-bes walking around wearing your brand’s hat or pants help raise awareness of whatever brand logo they happen to wear.

    Not to mention those old fat guys sitting on the floor in the halls might just have been in the shit in Korea or Vietnam and now they can’t stand on their feet all day any longer.

    Your stock value just dropped a lot in my book Chris.

    • Liam Babington says:

      Take humor with a pinch of salt……..the article was dripping with irony Go easy on words meant to have a sense of humor and laugh a bit!! When taking oneself to seriously we forget in this day and age that humor is a release valve!! Have a great day!!

  16. Daggertx says:


  17. Snake says:

    “…we have nothing worth building except the pathetic tradition and reputation of a tactical fanboy…”

    Awkward õ_ô


  18. Darkhorse says:

    As an outsider, looks to me like two chest beating, self promoting, book writing SEALs bad mouthing one another for their own reasons, publicly.

    Maybe keep your 9th grade girl drama private and speak directly to the individual is the moral of the story.