Tactical Tailor

Survival Kit Contents Check

“Survival kit contents check. In them you’ll find:

– One forty-five caliber automatic

– Two boxes of ammunition

– Four days’ concentrated emergency rations

– One drug issue containing antibiotics, morphine,

  vitamin pills, pep pills, sleeping pills, tranquilizer pills

– One miniature combination Russian phrase book and Bible

– One hundred dollars in rubles

– One hundred dollars in gold

– Nine packs of chewing gum

– One issue of prophylactics

– Three lipsticks

– Three pair of nylon stockings.

Shoot, a fella’ could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff.”

Major T. J. “King” Kong

19 Responses to “Survival Kit Contents Check”

  1. Sam says:

    How dare you show such flagrant disregard for our troops survival by telling our enemies so publicly what we give them to depend on in the worst-case scenario. I’m reporting this to the Air Force. General Ripper will shut SSD down.

    • Airborne_fister says:

      It’s in English. If it were in Russian or any other language then opsec would of taken care of this. Also, since the bud light knight is dead and we only have to worry about dragons then welll DILLY, DILLY!!!

  2. Jack Griffin says:

    What would the modern equiv include if such a glorious thing existed?

    There is a lot of room for satire in this. I hope the comments live up to it.

    • Adam says:

      Depends on the pilots branch.

      Air Force Emergency Kit
      1 x MP7
      2 x mags
      3 x MREs (breakfast lunch and dinner)
      4 x solid gold bricks
      5 x lipsticks (cherry red)
      1 x premium carrying case

      Navy
      1 x MP5
      2 x mags
      3 x MREs
      1 x MRE
      5 x bottles of suntan lotion
      1 x old carrying case

      Marine Corps
      1 x M9
      0 x spare mags
      A cliff bar
      No money
      All wrapped in a hustler magazine from 1974

    • The Stig says:

      Now the box contains an iPad with 250GBs assorted porn and a log of grizzly long cut.

      • Adam says:

        I have a correction to make. The Marine Corps pilot has no emergency kit because his aircraft has no ejection mechanism.

        Also his M9 has one round in it.

  3. Dave says:

    I got hosed. Mine just came with a bunch of cards reminding me not to sexy harass anyone, traffic in persons, discrimate against people based on their immutable characteristics, and the numbers to call if there is a grievance to be filed. It came with box of white guilt, too.

  4. CJ says:

    But no bottle of precious bodily fluids.

  5. Fritzthedog says:

    This post and replies made my day…. Thanks.
    Who should I report it to so that it can be removed!?

  6. G1E says:

    POE…

  7. Phillip Hauser says:

    Rainwater and pure-grain alcohol

  8. SamHill says:

    $100 in gold is now less than 2 grams…
    Down with the federal reserve wealth stealing scheme! Not federal! No reserves!

  9. Ernie says:

    As a (very) old SAC crew dog, I can state our reality was:

    1. Penetrate the Soviet air defenses and get to your target
    2. Kill your target
    3. Try like hell to egress back to safe territory
    4. If #2 fails, which it undoubtedly will, try to get the bird as close to safe territory as possible, then depart the aircraft in an orderly and proficient military manner. (I always felt sorry for the tail gunner, whose departure from the jet involved blowing the ass end of the rear fuselage off, then simply stepping out into space.)
    5. Walk 2300 miles through enemy territory, with the entire population searching for you, to a recovery area

    You can see how much we treasured the contents of our E&E kits!

    • James says:

      I watched a documentary on Thud pilots last night, one of them said ,almost word for word, the same thing.

  10. SShink says:

    I think you’d better run this through the C R.M. 114 Discriminator to ensure it is legitimate and not Rooskie counter-intelligence.

  11. Strike-Hold says:

    Interesting Factoid –

    Maj. Kong originally said “Dallas” not “Vegas” but JFK was assassinated in Dallas right after the film had its first limited-release sneak previews. The studio hastily recorded an voice overdub to replace “Dallas” with “Vegas” for the film’s national release.

    If you watch closely, you can see that Slim Pickens is mouthing “Dallas” when the soundtrack says “Vegas”.

    http://mentalfloss.com/article/63436/15-things-you-might-not-know-about-dr-strangelove

  12. Bill says:

    CLASSIC! Thanks for the morning laugh all.