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Archive for the ‘Morale’ Category

Inkfidel – Barracks School of Law

Friday, January 6th, 2017

Everyone knew this guy.  Problem was, he was wrong more than right, but hey, you get what you pay for.

Saturday. 1423 HRS. Barracks.

You enter a dark hallway that reeks of discount smokes, burnt shrimp flavored Ramen, and broken dreams. In your hand you grasp a crumpled piece of paper inscribed with ‘Johnny. 187.’ You were told this guy was the absolute best- knowledgeable, gifted, some even referring to him as ‘The Oracle’. Stepping over a rogue crusty green sock on the floor, you begin to make your way into the haze, your future hanging in the wings, desperate for a way out. As you walk down the dingy hall a naked guy on a skateboard clutching a fifth suddenly rounds the corner behind you. Startled, you move up against the wall as he zips past. ‘Watch it, Bergdahl’ he mumbles as he takes a pull off the bottle and disappears into the hazy darkness ahead. This place is shady. You’d been warned as much, but you had to be inside to truly understand what they meant. The light in the candy machine by the leaky drinking fountain flickers, a closer look revealing someone has carved ‘Beware the Weenie’ in the glass. Somebody screams. You walk past 162 and notice the heavy smell of Febreeze and corner of a towel sticking out from beneath the door. 174 is blaring someone’s war-inspired demo tape, and whatever is going on in 178 may, or may not, involve a Parakeet. This place has health and welfare written all over it.

Finally, you arrive at room 187 and raise your hand to knock, but before you can the door seems to open on its own. ‘I’ve been expecting you’ a deep gravelly voice says from the darkness, ‘come in’. Inside, the small room is lit only by a tiny beam of sunlight penetrating from between the drawn fire-retardant curtains. ‘Have a seat’ the mysterious figure says as he motions to the lumpy green duffel bag laying in front of his desk. ‘My name’s Johnny, Johnny Cochran. How can I be of service today?’ Seeing no other option, you take an uncomfortable seat on what feels like a pro mask that has been stuffed inside the bag. ‘Johnny…Cochran?’ you ask, ‘seriously?’. ‘You want to see my enlistment papers?’ he replies. Glancing up at the uniform hanging from the open door of the disheveled wall locker next to you, you notice his nametape reads ‘Cochran’, and further below it you can make out the edge of some mosquito wings protruding from the folds. ‘Nah, that won’t be necessary’ you tell him, suddenly regretting you came.

‘What brings you in today?’ he asks as you struggle to get the filter canister out from beneath your crack.
‘I messed up’ you reply. Smiling, he says ‘Take a look around you, we all ‘messed up’, Son. What exactly did you do?’. ‘I reenlisted’ you tell him as the smile quickly dissolves from his face. ‘Retention got me an hour after my girl called to say she was leaving me for man-bun down at ‘Whole Latte Love’ back home. I was weak. I wasn’t thinking straight! You gotta help me’. Leaning back in his chair, Johnny clasps his hands behind his head, exhales, looks up at the ceiling and asks ‘how many’d he get you for?’. ‘Three’ you reply. Taking a dramatic pause, he lets the situation marinate in his head, finally stating: ‘It’s worse than I thought, but I think I can help you out’. Intrigued, you lean forward on your pro-mask.

‘There’s a little-known stipulation in Army Regulation 601-280 covering retention regarding the validity of signatures made under duress should the signee be able to prove such conditions were present at the time of his or her signing’. ‘I’m listening’ you say. Continuing, he states: ‘you are in a race against the clock here, that paperwork is already on its way up to personnel for processing, so time is of the essence. What you need to do is call your First Sergeant at home as soon as you leave here and tell him that you made a mistake and would like to cancel your contract’. ‘On a Saturday?’ you ask. ‘Heck yeah on a Saturday! Do you want to do 3 more years? You know they’re short personnel down at Polk, right? Have you ever been to Polk? Mosquito is the state bird down there!’.

Sitting back on the bag and ignoring the popping sound you hear from whatever just gave way inside you ponder what The Oracle has just told you. ‘I hate mosquitos.’ you say. Rising to his feet, Johnny reaches out and puts his hand on your shoulder, looks into your eyes with the type of concern reserved for sitcom dads and says gently ‘Call Top, he’ll understand’. ‘You’re right!’ you exclaim as you jump to your feet, reenergized with the power of a thousand Ripits, ‘First Sergeant IS cool! You’re a freakin’ genius Cochran! How do you know all this stuff anyways? You in legal or something??’. ‘Nah, I’m supply’ he replies with a toothy grin as he leads you to the door, ‘but I am also a graduate the Barracks School of Law, and you are going to be alllllright’.

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Original Footwear – Patch Swap 2017

Thursday, December 29th, 2016

During last year’s SHOT Show, Original Footwear hosted a very popular patch swap event where attendees exchanged a personal patch for a limited edition patch from Original Footwear. They want this year’s swap to be even bigger.

To participate:
-Visit the Altama/OSWAT Booth #20149 during SHOT Show (Jan 17 – Jan 20)
-Have your badge scanned at the booth
-Leave a patch of your own
-Receive one of 2 exclusive patches
-Participants will be entered to win pair of boots chosen after SHOT

They are also inviting folks who want to stop by the booth, to leave their stories of why footwear is important, both on and off the job.

One lucky participant will earn themselves free boots…for life!

VLMS – “People To Kill” Notebook 3-Pack

Wednesday, December 28th, 2016

What with SHOT Show, just around the corner, a pocket sized notebook is always handy to whip out during meeting to jot a few lines.

At 5.5″ x 3.5″ this is a smaller version of Violent Little Machine Shop’s popular “People To Kill” hardbacked notebook. These 40-page gems are lined, memo style and come in packs of three.

Happy Holidays from SSD

Sunday, December 25th, 2016

Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah to all of our readers, and especially those who are away from home on this holiday.  

This Is How It’s Done

Friday, December 23rd, 2016

I’m very proud to say that I was once part of an organization that sponsors events like this for its personnel and their families. Hats off to the Chaplaincy for making this happen.

Not only is it promting resiliency for the force and their dependents, but there’s also comraderie and a more effective and safe community.

Available for Pre-Order from Inkfidel – Jalapeño Cheese Spread T-shirt

Wednesday, December 21st, 2016

I gotta say, as far as MREs go, the Jalapeño Cheese Spread is far superior to other, lesser dishes.  Celebrate your love of the Jalapeño Cheese with this T-shirt from Inkfidel.  Other Veterans will know, and give you a nod.

Whiskey Two Four – Custom Laser Engraved Drink Glasses

Tuesday, December 13th, 2016

Offered in Rocks, Pint, or Flute styles, Whiskey Two Four will custom engrave your logo, image or saying on great looking glassware.  You also get to choose whether you want it on one or both sides, as well as the bottom.  The rocks and pints glasses are Made in USA by Anchor Hocking while the champagne flutes are Italian made by Luigi Bormioli.

Be A Man Among Men This Christmas

Tuesday, November 29th, 2016

OC Tactical is making camouflaged Christmas Stockings again this holiday season, but this year, they’re offeeing Rhodesian Brush Pattern.

Use coupon code RHODESIA for 15% off your entire order from now till 11/30.