Primary Arms

Right! Sergeant Major, Marching Up And Down The Square

It never fails to entertain

SERGEANT MAJOR: Don’t stand there gawping like you’ve never seen the Hand of God before! Now, today, we’re going to do marching up and down the square! That is, unless any of you got anything better to do. Well?! Anyone got anything they’d rather be doing than marching up and down the square?! Yes?! Atkinson. What would you…rather be doing, Atkinson?

ATKINSON: Well, to be quite honest, Sarge, I’d… rather be at home with the wife and kids.

SERGEANT MAJOR: Would you, now?!

ATKINSON: Yes, Sarge.

SERGEANT MAJOR: Right! Off you go! Now, everybody else happy with my little plan… of marching up and down the square a bit?

COLES: Sarge!


COLES: I’ve got a book I’d quite like to read.

SERGEANT MAJOR: Right! You go read your book, then! Now! Everybody else… quite content to join in… with my little scheme of marching up and down the square?!

WYCLIF: Sarge?

SERGEANT MAJOR: Yes, Wyclif?! What is it?!

WYCLIF: Well, I’m, uh, learning the piano.

SERGEANT MAJOR: Learning the piano?!

WYCLIF: Yes, Sarge.

SERGEANT MAJOR: And I suppose you want to go and practice, eh? Marching up and down the square not good enough for you, eh?!

WYCLIF: Well,–

SERGEANT MAJOR: Right! Off you go!


SERGEANT MAJOR: Now! What about the rest of you? Rather be at the pictures, I suppose.

SQUAD: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Ooh, yeah. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Right.

SERGEANT MAJOR: All right! Off you go!

SQUAD: Oh. Ooh. Great. That’s great. What a day. I want to see the Merle Oberon picture. Eh hehheh.

SERGEANT MAJOR: Bloody army! I don’t know what it’s coming to. Right! Sergeant Major, marching up and down the square. Left, right, left. Left…

NARRATOR #1: Democracy and humanitarianism have always been trademarks of the British Army…


NARRATOR #1: Shh! …And have stamped its triumph throughout history, in the furthest-flung corners of the Empire,…
…but, no matter where or when there was fighting to be done,…
[patriotic music]
…it has always been the calm leadership of the Officer class that has made the British Army what it is.

8 Responses to “Right! Sergeant Major, Marching Up And Down The Square”

  1. Gerard says:


  2. Richard Schagen says:

    It doesn’t get much better than this

  3. Jeff S says:

    You’ve got to love the Derbyshire Light Infantry and Second Armored Division:

  4. Chasé says:

    And now for something completely different…

    • Joe says:

      Hadn’t seen the that skit, too funny.

      Reminds me of being laid hands on in Basic to check for brass and ammo, Spring ‘01.

      “Oh, Drill Sergeant, nobody’s touched me in so long, oh, oooh”

      My dad said the preparatory command “Forward” was followed by a falsetto “Ho!” from a random spot in formation in ‘67, probably Basic at Ft Riley…

  5. Luke MacGillie says:

    Lovely little Army base you have here, be a shame if something happened to it…..

  6. Strike-Hold says:


    And bringing things up to date, the British Army’s plans for post-Brexit: