SIG Sauer Academy

How The Zombies Ate Your Guns in 2013 2017

There once was a powerful zombie queen named Dianne. Dianne doesn’t seem like such a terrifying name and that’s probably why she went unnoticed as a zombie for so long. Don’t get me wrong. All of the signs that she was undead were there; the lifeless eyes, the gaunt white skin stretched taught over sharp cheekbones, the ridiculous bouffant wigs used to hide her balding pate and the lispy voice that turned the “s” at the end of a word into a “z”, like in “gunz” and “brainz”. All classic signs, and yet, we missed them all.

She had fooled her people for decades despite looking like the living dead when she ascended to her position, and yet not aging the entire time. Of course, the people she ruled were more concerned with good times and hand outs than protecting themselves.

Queen of the Damned Dianne knew that her kind would never take over so long as the living were armed. So for years and years she plotted and schemed. The path for her unholy horde was clear. Disarm the living and they would feast on brainz for breakfast, lunch and dinner. But how?

Finally, a tragedy struck and, relying on sentimentality, undead Dianne used her power to ramrod new laws through that would disarm the living. In a sense of guilt, the living were disarmed. Those who opposed this were labeled as kooks and crazies and led off as criminals.

Unfortunately, this isn’t a fairy tale with a happy ending. The zombies are at the door. First, they will eat your gunz and then they will come for your brainz. Stop Zombie Queen Dianne’s evil gun grabbing agenda and expose her for what she is. Unchecked, she will suck the life out of you, your family, and your neighbors.

We don’t often publish speculative fiction on SSD but I didn’t think this one could wait until Halloween.

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11 Responses to “How The Zombies Ate Your Guns in 2013 2017”

  1. Gerard says:

    Ive followed Feinstein since she was on the board of supervisors in SF. She’s a relentless anti gun pol. The lesson to be learned from her is that anti gun politicians never quit or negotiate anything except the reduction of our rights.

  2. Marcus says:

    If you saw some of the draft bills floating around in Congress, I am certain you would be horrified. There is every type of broadly, vaguely worded subterfuge you can imagine. It’s all disgustingly aimed at leveraging this tragedy as a means of stealing your Second Amendment rights.

    Most of the proposals are trying to obscure “parts” of the AR-15 as a backdoor means of banning them on a national level. That, or at least lending enough vagueness to courts who are already anti Second Amendment.

    These people are disgusting, opportunistic slugs who will stand on the backs of victims to push their politics.

    Don’t wait for these bills to hit the floor. Call your congressman now and let them know you won’t stand for this subversion.

  3. Jack Griffin says:

    As one of the countless GWOT meat popsicles that were born in the ’80s, it baffles me that the same rich-but-so-tired, pearl-clutching, ivory-tower-dwelling, anti-American people have been in office basically *my entire life.* As long as I can remember people like DiFi have been clawing at our rights. You’ve got clowns to the left (gun control), jokers to the right (USA PATRIOT)… and here we are, stuck in the middle defending retarded bump fire stocks and Shockwave not-a-shotguns. Interesting times. *deep sigh*

    *puts white helmet back on, goes back to searching for TK-421*

  4. Kaos-1 says:

    H.R. 3999 is sponsored buy a Republican from Florida and co-sponsored by 12 other republicans. So, it’s pretty safe to say that the whole Republican VS Democrat is most definitely a figment of your imagination. I hope that by now you’ve all seen the footage of Feinstein admit that she has a CCW.

    • Tazman66gt says:

      Yet, the serfs in California aren’t allowed a CCW unless they live in a county of less than 100,000. Not to mention her security force that goes everywhere with her. But, if you’re willing to defend her that’s your cross to bear. She is only pro-gun for the special people like herself.

  5. Stefan S. says:

    I hoping for dementia or cancer for this piece of human excrement. Sorry, despise this hag.

  6. Mac says:

    Right on – how will you continue the great American tradition of the mass killing of your fellow citizens without un-restricted access to assault rifles?

    • Jester says:

      We could take a page out of Europe and Great Britain’s book and run them down with trucks, followed up with a healthy dose of jumping out of the drivers seat and slicing the victims up with a kitchen knife.

      Because you know, it’s the spoon’s fault you’re fat and all that.

    • Logic Bomb says:

      How will Mumbai, India; Utoya, Norway or Paris, France continue their tradition of mass killings without unrestricted access to “assault rifles?”

      Oh wait, they’re already restricted so the law-abiding have no access to them. Somehow, in a mind boggling move, people who decided to murder a bunch of people were able to illegally buy something that was outlawed and kill a bunch of people.

      And in all three, the death toll of each event was higher than any mass shooting in the U.S., save the Wounded Knee Massacre…which was by the hands of U.S. Govt forces after disarming the population there.

      Your paradigm needs a healthy dose of logic. Seems like you might have already hit the brain’s LD50 of emotion.

    • Mr. Universe says:

      How will Mumbai, India; Utoya, Norway or Paris, France continue their tradition of mass killings without unrestricted access to “assault rifles?”

      Oh wait, they’re already restricted so the law-abiding have no access to them. Somehow, in a mind boggling move, people who decided to murder a bunch of people were able to illegally buy something that was outlawed and kill a bunch of people.

      And in all three, the death toll of each event was higher than any mass shooting in the U.S., save the Wounded Knee Massacre…which was by the hands of U.S. Govt forces after disarming the population there.

      Your paradigm needs a healthy dose of logic. Seems like you might have already hit the brain’s LD50 of emotion.

      (SSD censored this reply….really?)

  7. Mr.E.G. says:

    It is completely unbelievable that this website would insinuate that Diane Feinstein looks like a zombie. This is inappropriate, tasteless, and inapt.
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    Because everyone knows she really looks like Emperor Palpatine, post lightning damage. 🙂