Varusteleka is based in Finland and not only do they make great gear, but they have fun as well. Take for example these Cottage Rank Insignia’s.

They look and feel like genuine Finnish military rank insignia, but they are designed for civilian battlefields. They have the same simple hook and loop attachment system as issue clothing so you can sport them for fun.

Prince Colonel

Prince Colonel is the rank of the head of guard for the queen of Fog Valley. There is also a herbal liqueur with this name in Finland. This might also suit someone who is into stolen valor larping and in need of a made-up military rank.

The Sheriffs

These ranks have everything to do with the national drink of Finland, Jaloviina. The one star Jaloviina has been aptly named “Sheriff Bottle” by loving customers. The more stars there are on your Jaloviina bottle, the quality gets better but the overall taste somehow gets worse. Get “three stars” if you think you deserve cognac but can’t afford it – get “one star” if you’re attuned with the universe and know that life is all about pain and disgust.

Sauna Gollum ranks

Sauna Gollum is a delightful Finnish party game. The person chosen as Sauna Gollum goes under the sauna benches to poke the people sitting on them from underneath. The first one to stand up becomes the new Sauna Gollum. Great game among naked friends. Since the game is very demanding, you will start at the candidate stage and work your way to the esteemed Sauna Gollum rank through rigorous training.

Sauna Major

Sauna Major is the commander of the sauna troops, and the one in charge of heating the sauna and making sure that there is enough löyly, you know the magical steamy heat that we love here almost as much as sisu. So, if you master the art of heating a traditional sauna or simply love the experience like a Finn, this is a patch for you.

Grill Sergeant

Here’s a rank for all BBQ soldiers that protect their pits until the very end. May your grill never go cold.

Grill Master

As the highest non-commissioned officer rank in outdoor cooking, Grill Master oversees the Grill Sergeants keeping sausages in line on the grills – when he has time, that is, as he is very busy with his own beverage investigations, working on a case somewhere.

Made in Finland

These are manufactured by patch makers who also make insignia for the Finnish army. In other words, these are quality stuff!

Get yours here.

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