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Shield Arms Unveils the Orc Sticker: Some Say It Was Made by the Elves, Everyone Else Is Wrong

BIGFORK, MT (April 1, 2024) – Have you ever found yourself on the Fields of Pelennor facing an overwhelming Morgul host, without a reliable dagger by your side? Then fret no more, for Shield Arms, purveyor of all things pointy and stabby, is proud to announce the Orc Sticker!

The Orc Sticker: Like Goblin-cleaver, Only Smaller

This isn’t Denathor’s butter knife. The Orc Sticker is hand-forged from a blend of reclaimed troll hide and a special blend of malice and contempt, ensuring both durability and a healthy dose of existential dread.

“We all have those days where we just want to channel our inner Dunlending,” said Brandon Zeider, CEO of Shield Arms. “The Orc Sticker is the perfect outlet for those pent-up urges. Whether you’re battling rogue spreadsheets or facing down a particularly stubborn Balrog, the Orc Sticker will have you fighting like Gandalfin the mines of Khazad-dûm in no time.”

Features of the Orc Sticker:

• Machined G10 to a sharp point for that “special” touch
• Ergonomic grip, perfect for both normal people and lefties
• Comes pre-wrapped by our very own Tolkien LARPers

Don’t Be a Basic Blunt Object – Get Your Orc StickerToday!

The Orc Sticker is available for order now on the Shield Arms website (shieldarms.com, probably). Supplies are limited, so don’t wait! Remember, a high-protein breakfast is important, but a good dagger is essential.

3 Responses to “Shield Arms Unveils the Orc Sticker: Some Say It Was Made by the Elves, Everyone Else Is Wrong”

  1. Liam Haakon Babington says:

    Basically a Sykes-Fairborn knife style…..

  2. Noah says:

    Was this an April fools joke?

  3. FungusBurple says:

    Yo I actually have 9 of them, I’m trying to collect the 10th one!

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