We’re tired of waiting for the US Army Camo Improvement Effort announcement as well, so we created a White House Petition. If you can’t wait to get your oompa loompa, sign it now and tell your friends.

wh.gov/ewwE

First off, we hope by now that everyone realizes that the story we published on April 1st entitled “Breaking – US Army to Abandon Camo Update; Vows to Reinstate OD” was in fact an April Fool’s Day prank. We understand that readers come to SSD for solid, reliable and factual information. We violated that trust on Monday and we are sorry if we made any extra work for anyone. We will make all attempts to resist the temptation to pull your collective leg in the future.

As for the US Army Camo Improvement Effort itself. It’s still on and although officials have said on record that a decision is coming, we’d say that it’s just now starting to breathe hard. Look for a decision in 3rd Quarter (we are in 3rd Quarter by the way) with yet another briefing scheduled for Army leadership mid-April to clarify some questions regarding the massive amounts of data collected during the most thorough evaluation of camouflage in history.

To wit, we have this to say. US Army, stop wasting money purchasing commodities in UCP and make a decision already. The data is there. Interpolate it and act.

To everyone else. Stop forwarding that damnable fake camo selection announcement PowerPoint and most of all, stop sending it to us saying that you have some inside information on who was selected. No one knows except those involved in the program. We wish the Army could keep every secret as well as they are keeping this one.

“I wouldn’t trade my old ODs for all the Navy’s dungarees.”
-‘Dog Faced Soldier’, the 3d Infantry Division Song

Marnemen everywhere rejoice as life imitates art. In a shocking move, Army officials have confided in Soldier Systems Daily that they plan to abandon the Camouflage Improvement Effort that has left Soldiers without an effective camouflage pattern despite several years and tens of millions of dollars.

Army officials are quoted as saying, “We fought three wars in OD. Why not go back to it?” Turns out, the old “Pickle Suit” worn by the US Army until 1987 is readily available after an enterprising supply officer stumbled upon a large stockpile of OG fatigues forgotten years ago in Germany by the US Air Force.

As US forces drawdown forces in Europe, long abandoned facilities are being turned over to host nation governments. At a former supply depot in Germany a newly commissioned supply officer recently uncovered warehouse after warehouse of the uniforms complete with field jackets and Velcro caps. When he alerted his superiors, they passed word up to the Army G4 staff who looked upon the news as a sign from heaven that they could use this boon to survive the Sequestration axe and Congressionally mandated reinstatement of Tuition Assistance. Coincidentally, he also ran across a rather large stash of C-rations which are currently enroute to the fighting in Afghanistan to make up for those dining facilities now only serving two meals per day. One insider sent us a glowing note praising the find and referring the equipment as “sunk cost.” “Hey,” he said, “it’s already paid for, like in the 60s. I mean, who doesn’t have fond memories of winters at Graf wearing that old Velcro hat?”

What’s old is new as the Army goes retro. Who hasn’t seen the movie “Stripes” which is probably one of the most popular films to feature the US Army? The iconic OD uniform plays prominently in that movie as well as anything about World War II, Korea or Viet Nam including “Apocalypse Now.”

While Soldiers will soon be rocking the classic OD uniform of yesteryear, a so-called digicam pattern similar to the Marine Corps pattern will be applied to all US Army vehicles. “Vehicles are expensive and there’s nothing too good for our rolling stock,” commented one procurement official who was not authorized to speak on the record to SSD, adding, “That Marine Camo is good stuff. Too bad they wouldn’t let us give it to the troops 10 years ago.”

The US Army plans to make the switch effective April 1st 2014 barring any other announcements to the contrary.